So, over the weekend the Hubby, Mother in Law and my Brother in Law's went on a trip to San Antonio and Austin. My Brother in Law, Matt passed his Bar Exam to become a Lawyer, just what the world needs more of!! His swearing in was in Austin on Monday, but we wanted to make his day special by a weekend road trip to San Antonio on Saturday and Austin on Sunday. It was a lot of fun! We talked about all kind of crazy stuff!! One thing I love about my Mother in Law is she is REAL!!! You can talk about anything with her and she totally gets it!! We actually have a lot of fun together and I like talking to her. She did have a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that her son was FINALLY getting married at 40! She was used to not really "sharing" him with anyone for SO very long!! I thought it was a little odd that the week before we got married and the day after my Bachelorette Party, she text me some really odd stuff, but I told her I understood as Jason was her only connection to her Husband that died when Jason was only six months old! It makes me sad and I know it had to be a complete shock to her. I still don't think to this day she is totally over the loss of her Husband. I hate that Jason never got the chance to have his Father in his life and wish that he could have had that. Jason and I are in the same boat on that one!!
Anyways, we stopped at the outlet in San Marcos and I was in HEAVEN!!!! I LOVED it and could still be there if we didn't have other things to do. That place is HUGE and had most of my favorite stores!!! I did some retail therapy for sure!!! We went onto San Antonio from there and went to dinner. Our stay in San Antonio was not much at all. After dinner we just went to the Riverwalk for a drink then straight to bed. We woke up early to drive to Austin, but stopped for brunch at a place called, Feast. It was AWESOME!! Right up my alley. That place would do great here in Dallas for sure!!
We drove through Jason's college campus so he could reminiscence his college days at Texas State which was known in his days as Southwest. We went to some of his favorite places to eat and his place he lived while there. I think he loved it!!
When we got to Austin, we all just kind of rested before dinner. We went to Kenichi and had all kinds of sushi. It was heaven!!! Some CRAZY things went on at that place with a private party. It was at this time I finally got the phrase, KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD!!! But, for me, I realized it should be KEEP AUSTIN, F'ED UP!!!! OMG!!! That place is CRAZY!!!!! It is also kind od dirty and it made me love Dallas even more!!!! After dinner, we went to Chuggin' Monkey which is a bar by former two time Bachelor, Brad Womack. He got engaged to my girl crush, Emily Maynard and I was SO hoping I would see him, but I didn't of course. But, it was fun at his bar!!
On Monday morning it was time for Matt's swearing in, but it seemed to be more about the Judge's on stage that were there than it was about all the Lawyer's that just passed one of the hardest test EVER!!! I guess that is politicians for you right there!! Once that was over, it was time to get back to Dallas and I was super happy to be home and in the land of the normal!!!
On the Baby front, we are moving along and I am hopeful for a successful outcome but no longer am I excited as I once was. I know that is just horrible to say and I feel bad saying it, but I just think it is best to not get my hopes up. I was on such a high the last go around and was SO let down when it failed. My heart still hurts for the loss as I am surrounded by people I know that just seem to get pregnant in no time and I still hope for my chance to be a Mommy!! The Christmas season is getting hard for me because I think of all the wonderful traditions I want to do with my own kids one day and just pray for the chance to make it a reality.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Getting some things off my chest......
It has been a really rough time for me in my own mind. I pretty much don't express the feelings I have to anyone because, well.....NO ONE in my family or the people closest to me get how I feel with everything. I know Jason gets it to a degree, but he is a guy, so they just let stuff roll off them. I on the other hand, can't do it!!
My Sister is pregnant right now and that is probably the hardest thing for me to deal with. Of course, she is very insensitive to my feelings because she doesn't know how I really feel. If I hear from her one more time, that I should just be glad I can't get pregnant, I may lose it!!! Does she REALLY not get how horrible that is to say to someone in my position???? Granted, pregnancy doesn't seem to be glamorous by any means, BUT I would give anything to be able to know what being pregnant with my child is like. I also know that there are perks to not being pregnant and yes, I know I love those reasons, BUT I would give all that up to be pregnant.
I have really began to see how insensitive people can be. Someone even sent me a link to an article about what not to say to Adoptive Parents because I should be able to relate. REALLY???? Why would I be able to relate since I don't have an Adopted Child at this point and having a Surrogate is not even the same thing.....I understand that people are not educated on this stuff that is my life, but for me, I wish people would just BUTT OUT, SHUT UP and JUST GO ABOUT THEIR LIFE leaving mine alone!! It is just easy for people that have been pregnant and had children to really even have a clue what it is like to be in my shoes and I wish they would just realize that before opening their big mouths!! I know I am probably a bit over sensitive to anything about babies and children, BUT I think I am entitled to be or maybe that is just the selfishness in me. Either way, it is how I feel and I can't change how I feel!!
At this point, I pretty much dread any interaction with people because I am ALWAYS asked about it. Right now, I am just to a point that I am not very hopeful with all that has happened, so I just don't like to even talk about it! I know that people are just curious, but I would rather they just let me bring it up if I wish. Oh, if we all lived in a perfect world!!! I know this is not going to happen, but a girl can dream!!! At this point, I just really feel like I will NEVER get to be a Mommy!! I know that is drastic to say that, but nothing has really gone well with this process. The only good thing that has come out of it thus far is our Surrogate, "B"!! I am REALLY, REALLY THANKFUL for her!!! She has been great and pretty much gets me!! I think she knows that the devastation of the eggs was really hard on me and she has been very understanding of my feelings!
Ok, I think I have gotten most of the thoughts in my head off my chest. I think I feel better all ready!!! HA!!! So, onto the purpose of this blog, the hopefully soon to be Baby!!!
So, we have the new egg donor and she is REALLY cute. Granted, I don't know her, but I know what she looks like and no, I am not letting ANYONE see what she looks like either!! (Note to people: If and when there is a Baby, DO NOT EVEN THINK OF SAYING THE BABY MUST LOOK LIKE THE EGG DONOR!!!! Just keep your thoughts to yourself or do what everyone in the world does and talk about it without me knowing you are!!)
We are now in the place to move forward with the egg donor. She passed all her "testing" and is ready to proceed. I was told by the IVF Clinic that she is on birth control pills right now. This is the beginning stages of the protocol for her at this point. "B" went in last week or the week before for a sonogram to check her "stuff" out and all was good with her, just as I knew it would be. We will found out soon what the protocol will be for the egg donor and "B" soon as this transfer will be a fresh one. That means, the donor and "B" will be "synced" so that the eggs are retrieved fresh and not frozen at the same time as "B" is ready for the transfer. The waiting game is on for the day of transfer, so we all need to say a little prayer that all goes well and WORKS!!!!
Onto the home front, we are closing on our lot at the end of the month, then the demo will begin!! I can't wait to see how it all goes down. It is going to be so weird to see the lot without the house that is there right now. I will be spending ALL my free time at the lot with contractors just watching them to make sure they are doing what they should be doing! I think it is going to be fun and a REALLY good distraction on the waiting game of what better be Baby R!!! Plus, I need to make sure my house is on schedule to be done in a REASONABLE amount of time and not a year from now!! Oh boy, this will be interesting!! Good thing I am a planner and pretty much have every detail of the house chosen and just ready to be ordered, paid for and shipped out! Can't wait to see how it all comes together. My creative mind is spinning!!!
Speaking of house stuff, I have been spending my moments of free time, decorating. I want to be an Interior Decorator when I grow up. I guess I should enroll in art classes since I can't draw to save my own life!! But anyways, I went to Canton the past two months and had the best time!!! It was the perfect thing to take my mind off of the devastation of the prior months with the Baby stuff. I bought some awesome pillow for my couch to soften up the harsh look of leather and concrete flooring in this house. It was the perfect thing! Plus, if you know me well enough, you know I LOVE everything animal print!! So, of course, the living room needed a little!! And I got this really cool floral arrangement from the sweetest Lady ever!! I knew it would be perfect on the coffee table in this house. Although, this is the same coffee table I keep telling the Hubby I am selling before we move to the new house. It is just TOO big for my liking, plus I want more of a round ottoman look for the new house. I also decorated for fall, so I guess I better post my picture of that since this will be coming down in the next few days to decorate for Christmas!! So excited about that!!
My Sister is pregnant right now and that is probably the hardest thing for me to deal with. Of course, she is very insensitive to my feelings because she doesn't know how I really feel. If I hear from her one more time, that I should just be glad I can't get pregnant, I may lose it!!! Does she REALLY not get how horrible that is to say to someone in my position???? Granted, pregnancy doesn't seem to be glamorous by any means, BUT I would give anything to be able to know what being pregnant with my child is like. I also know that there are perks to not being pregnant and yes, I know I love those reasons, BUT I would give all that up to be pregnant.
I have really began to see how insensitive people can be. Someone even sent me a link to an article about what not to say to Adoptive Parents because I should be able to relate. REALLY???? Why would I be able to relate since I don't have an Adopted Child at this point and having a Surrogate is not even the same thing.....I understand that people are not educated on this stuff that is my life, but for me, I wish people would just BUTT OUT, SHUT UP and JUST GO ABOUT THEIR LIFE leaving mine alone!! It is just easy for people that have been pregnant and had children to really even have a clue what it is like to be in my shoes and I wish they would just realize that before opening their big mouths!! I know I am probably a bit over sensitive to anything about babies and children, BUT I think I am entitled to be or maybe that is just the selfishness in me. Either way, it is how I feel and I can't change how I feel!!
At this point, I pretty much dread any interaction with people because I am ALWAYS asked about it. Right now, I am just to a point that I am not very hopeful with all that has happened, so I just don't like to even talk about it! I know that people are just curious, but I would rather they just let me bring it up if I wish. Oh, if we all lived in a perfect world!!! I know this is not going to happen, but a girl can dream!!! At this point, I just really feel like I will NEVER get to be a Mommy!! I know that is drastic to say that, but nothing has really gone well with this process. The only good thing that has come out of it thus far is our Surrogate, "B"!! I am REALLY, REALLY THANKFUL for her!!! She has been great and pretty much gets me!! I think she knows that the devastation of the eggs was really hard on me and she has been very understanding of my feelings!
Ok, I think I have gotten most of the thoughts in my head off my chest. I think I feel better all ready!!! HA!!! So, onto the purpose of this blog, the hopefully soon to be Baby!!!
So, we have the new egg donor and she is REALLY cute. Granted, I don't know her, but I know what she looks like and no, I am not letting ANYONE see what she looks like either!! (Note to people: If and when there is a Baby, DO NOT EVEN THINK OF SAYING THE BABY MUST LOOK LIKE THE EGG DONOR!!!! Just keep your thoughts to yourself or do what everyone in the world does and talk about it without me knowing you are!!)
We are now in the place to move forward with the egg donor. She passed all her "testing" and is ready to proceed. I was told by the IVF Clinic that she is on birth control pills right now. This is the beginning stages of the protocol for her at this point. "B" went in last week or the week before for a sonogram to check her "stuff" out and all was good with her, just as I knew it would be. We will found out soon what the protocol will be for the egg donor and "B" soon as this transfer will be a fresh one. That means, the donor and "B" will be "synced" so that the eggs are retrieved fresh and not frozen at the same time as "B" is ready for the transfer. The waiting game is on for the day of transfer, so we all need to say a little prayer that all goes well and WORKS!!!!
Onto the home front, we are closing on our lot at the end of the month, then the demo will begin!! I can't wait to see how it all goes down. It is going to be so weird to see the lot without the house that is there right now. I will be spending ALL my free time at the lot with contractors just watching them to make sure they are doing what they should be doing! I think it is going to be fun and a REALLY good distraction on the waiting game of what better be Baby R!!! Plus, I need to make sure my house is on schedule to be done in a REASONABLE amount of time and not a year from now!! Oh boy, this will be interesting!! Good thing I am a planner and pretty much have every detail of the house chosen and just ready to be ordered, paid for and shipped out! Can't wait to see how it all comes together. My creative mind is spinning!!!
Speaking of house stuff, I have been spending my moments of free time, decorating. I want to be an Interior Decorator when I grow up. I guess I should enroll in art classes since I can't draw to save my own life!! But anyways, I went to Canton the past two months and had the best time!!! It was the perfect thing to take my mind off of the devastation of the prior months with the Baby stuff. I bought some awesome pillow for my couch to soften up the harsh look of leather and concrete flooring in this house. It was the perfect thing! Plus, if you know me well enough, you know I LOVE everything animal print!! So, of course, the living room needed a little!! And I got this really cool floral arrangement from the sweetest Lady ever!! I knew it would be perfect on the coffee table in this house. Although, this is the same coffee table I keep telling the Hubby I am selling before we move to the new house. It is just TOO big for my liking, plus I want more of a round ottoman look for the new house. I also decorated for fall, so I guess I better post my picture of that since this will be coming down in the next few days to decorate for Christmas!! So excited about that!!
I absolutely love the pumpkins on the fireplace. I got those at Canton too. It is sad that I have to put them away until next year, but they will look brand new in the new house!!
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