It all started on Tuesday when I met with the Doctor to go over our plan for the transfer. He was concerned as well as I, about the lack of eggs. The egg donor only produced six eggs for us to use. This was our second attempt at an egg donor as the first one did not meet the qualifications to become an egg donor with the IVF clinic due to her lack of egg follicles. So, the second egg donor was a successful donor, so I figured we would be all good with her. The Doctor said most egg donors give at least 12 eggs, typically. So, our little six eggs was very bothersome as to what would happen if we needed to do a second transfer or the possibility of siblings. The Doctor said we should plan on only two eggs and to not get our hopes up that there would be more than two survive the thaw. We were at a little disadvantage since we did not get to freeze the eggs as embryos since we had the issue with Jason and his surgery. So, the plan was to have Jason's specimen at the clinic on Wednesday morning around 8am and the eggs would be thawed. Our Surrogate, "B" would start her meds in preparation for the transfer that was scheduled for the following Monday. That would mean the embryos would be five days old.
So, Wednesday morning arrived and Jason did what he was supposed to do. The Clinic called me shortly after he left and said that would need to do Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) which they had told me earlier in the process that it may need to be done. It really actually seems better in mind anyways, so I was totally fine with it. "B" started her meds and we were all preparing for the transfer. "B" and I were planning a spa day for Sunday before the transfer to help her relax and have some girl time. She was making arrangements for her kids to stay with friends on Monday as well. I had gone to the Arboretum for the day with My Sister and Lily and really pretty much on excited about Monday and the possibility of being a Mommy, FINALLY!!!! Well, I got home and received a call from the IVF clinic around 4pm or so as to the progress of the thaw and Jennifer, the Embryologist said, "I just wanted to let you know that none of the eggs made it through the thaw." She said that she did not know what happened and that nothing like that has ever happened at their clinic before. I sat on the other end of the phone and said, "oh, ok, is that all." I got off the phone and just sat on the couch in disbelief for a few minutes and just absorbed what I had been told. I was CRUSHED and just started crying and crying. I just could not help it. To me, I felt like I had just been told that six of my babies died. I know probably sounds crazy to a lot of you, but that is how I felt and still do to this day! I have only talked about it with a few people and plan to leave it that way. I FINALLY got in touch with Jason who was a little shocked too, but he was more concerned with the financial end of things and the clinic. That is a Man for you, right there, but when he got home, he was VERY SWEET ABOUT it all and tried really hard not to focus on the money factor of this tragedy!! At this point, I am going to keep a lot of the things going on with all things baby in our life, very quiet right and have things on a need to know basis until we are smooth sailing with a Baby!! People may not like it, but that is how it is going to be. I can't take telling people sad things about this Baby stuff anymore. It is hard enough to be asked on a regular basis since we got married, when we are having kids. People really get on my nerves!!!
Well, Thursday came and I was still EXTREMELY sad!!! I got myself out of bed and cried some more. I had a Dentist appointment that I had to go to and it was really the last thing I wanted to do. But, I did it and I am here to tell you, that Dentist has the last of me after the way he acted that day. Last time I checked, I was the patient and paying you for your services, so I think you should not be a Cocky F*CKER especially on this day!!! Anyways, the Doctor office had called me and told me how upset they all were and they would like me to come in for an meeting with the Doctor to discuss our next plan. They also told me they had an egg donor that they thought would be perfect for me and we could discuss that as well. I REALLY did not want to go into that clinic at all because I was just so upset at them! But, I decided I have to keep going and said ok. I recruited my Sister to go with me as to not bother Jason while he had work to do. So, after the Dentist I went to my Sister's and we went to the mall to run some of her errands and grab some lunch. Lily loves to ride the carousel at the mall and wanted me to go with her, so this is a picture of us. Excuse the way I look, as I had not one bit of makeup on! I am going to have a part II of this post with the conversation with the Doctor as I have to get ready for a Birthday party of my Brother In Law. This is going to be hard as I just know someone is going to ask how the baby stuff is going and may just cry some more.........Oh BOY!!!
Lily and LuLu at Stonebriar. She made me smile when all I really wanted to do was cry this day!! Thank God for Lily!!! I LOVE HER!!!
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