Bye Little Kramer Boy......

Yesterday started off as most of my Monday mornings do.  I wake up, read my emails, and get ready for the day.  Then, I come downstairs and take care of the dogs.  This is what I actually do EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!!  But, Kramer (The Hubby's little dog that I inherited through marrying him) didn't want to get up.  He had been hurt since we picked him up at my Mother in Law's house the Sunday before Mother's Day after returning from Arkansas. Matt, my Brother in Law, had called that morning say that Kramer didn't feel well and was limping around the house.  The Hubby just said he would be fine and probably just pulled a muscle playing with Matt. 

Well, we watched his behavior throughout the week and one day he would seem to be ok, then the next day, he didn't want to move.  I told Jason he really needed to go to the vet, but Jason said he knew his dog and he would be ok.  I figured Jason knew his dog better than me, so I said ok. 

But, then yesterday when I came downstairs to take the dogs outside and feed them, Kramer didn't even move off his bed.  I didn't want to make him either since he seemed to be very comfortable there.  So, I left to go to my Sister's.  Jason called me a little bit later and asked about Kramer.  I told him, "Jason, you REALLY need to take him to the vet.  He isn't getting better and wouldn't even get up today."  I just knew by the look Kramer had, that he wasn't feeling good at all. 

Jason went home and took Kramer to the Vet.  The Vet didn't have a clue what was wrong with Kramer and ran some tests and did X-Rays, but he didn't have an exact cause as to what was wrong.  He said Kramer probably had Cancer based on his T-Cell count being so low.  I know when my Sister's cat had cancer, it was several days and lots of tests before they said it was in fact cancer, so I really think this Vet is CRAZY considering after the cancer statement was made, he then said he thought he had been hit by a car.   UUUUUUHHHH, ok let's go from cancer to being hit by a car.  What an idiot!!! 

The part to this whole ordeal that makes me so sad is that Jason didn't call me to get a rational view point that wasn't going off of emotions alone.  Jason LOVED that dog and was really in shock when they said cancer.  If I had been there, I would have really questioned things more and gotten a second opinion.  I REALLY feel this Vet is horrible!  I just don't think you tell a pet owner that their dog might have a day or two left when they REALLY are just making assumptions as to what is wrong with the dog and don't know anything for sure. 

So, anyways, Jason made a decision based on what this Idiot Vet told him and put Kramer to sleep.  The Vet told him that Kramer only had a few more days to live to Jason didn't want Kramer to have to suffer for two more days.  Whether or not that is really the case is up for debate.  I truly feel the Vet didn't failed!

In the end, we found out that Kramer had in fact eaten rat poison while at my Mother in Law's house while he was there.  I was never comfortable with Kramer staying there because of how she lives, but it was really Jason's dog and he felt different.  My Mother in Law LOVED Kramer and did LOVE when he got to stay with her, but she is a Hoarder and her house is not really a place for ANYONE to be at, much less a little inquisitive dog that can get into things it shouldn't, including rat poison.  She is really having a hard time with what happened and I know she never thought something like this would happen.  My hope is that this tragic event will make her realize the way she lives needs to change.  I am by no means trying to make my Mother in Law look bad at all.  I know she is truly a sweet, loving, genuine, caring person who really loves everyone in her life.  I feel horrible that she has to live with this guilt and hope she can find something positive out of a horrible accident. 

Kramer was SO cute when he got a haircut!  He was the happiest dog I have ever seen.

Even though it was no secret that I wasn't a fan of dogs being in the house, I dealt with it and had lots of sweet moments with Kramer!  He was a feisty little dog!!   

I would like the record to show that at NO time will my child be allowed to step foot in my Mother in Law's house.  I am in no way trying to be mean or hateful, this is just a fact and something that I am sure she is fully aware of and in TOTAL agreement about.  She actually knows the way she lives is wrong and completely unhealthy, but it is an illness and she has to deal with it in her own time.

My Distraction....

Like I said in yesterday's post, the new house build has been a great distraction for me while the wait for Baby R approaches.  I drive to my new house everyday and love to see all the new things that have gone on the day before.  I seriously go over there EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!!!  Most days I have to go there to check on things or meet Contractors, but there are days that I am just going by to check things out.  It is pretty amazing to see the floor plan come to "life" with each passing day.  I look at some things and think, WOW, that looks a lot smaller than I thought it would or that looks a lot bigger than I thought.  I have made some changes to the floor plans which is great to be able to do when you are the Builder.  Once you see things how they will be in the house verses on paper, you see stuff that can be altered for the better.  Obviously, nothing structurally can be changed, but there are little things here and there can be made.  I know the Framers are really glad to be done with all my "little" changes I made.  They were SO good to me through everything they had to do though!! 

So, as of today, there is only one thing that the Framers have left to do that was misses, but it is really not a big deal at all.  The roof needs to go on now.  That has been a little challenging to get the concrete tile roof guy to get what I want for the color of the roof.  I am really not sure why it is SO hard to get what I want.  It isn't like I am asking for something that doesn't exist.  Hopefully, they finally understood the colors I want for the concrete tiles and we can move on with ordering it and getting them one the roof.  Too be honest, I really don't know why I am SO focused on getting the EXACT colors I want since the roof is 28 feet in the sky and really not too noticeable, but in true ME fashion, it must be perfect!!! 

We are about another week and a half out from getting the windows installed and all the exterior doors put on in order to have the house totally enclosed.  This will make me SO happy for a couple reasons.  The first is that it will keep the nosey people that go in the house to "check" things out and for the second and most important reason, we will be able to put the "guts" of the house in.  Until the house is enclosed and able to be secured, we have to wait for the AC, foam insulation, flooring and drywall to be done thus holding up the progress on the house. 

The foundation before the concrete slab was poured

The start of the framing

 

The house is finally taking shape!!  They still have windows on the second floor to cut out.

One of my FAVORITE things of the whole house!  The staircase!!  LOVE IT!!!!

 

 

Trippin'

It has been an adventurous few weeks in my household the last few weeks going on vacations.  Well, I don't know that I would consider them all vacations, but we have been out of town three out of the last four weeks.  The weekend we were in town, was spent at a my Nephew, Luke, Sip and See Party.  

Our first trip was on March 20th to Vegas for March Madness.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE going to Vegas!!  The Hubby and I always have so much fun!   It has been over a year since I have been there and I SO missed it!!  We literally check into our room and immediately hit the tables.  I actually spent most of my time at the Roulette table!  I pretty much addicted to it!  We do leave the tables every once in a while to eat yummy food!  The food in Vegas is AMAZING!!!!  We ate at Comme Ca the first night and breakfast the next morning at The Henry.  They are both inside our Hotel we stay at, The Cosmopolitan.  On day two, Jason's college friend and his wife came for his 40th Birthday so we went to dinner at STK also in The Cosmopolitan.  The next day we actually ventured out of our hotel and went to Caesar's Palace and ate brunch at Serendipity and gamble.  For dinner we went to The Bellagio and at sushi at Yellowtail.  They have AWESOME sushi!!  My favorite one has pop rocks in it.  SO YUMMY!!!!  I really have SO many pictures from all the times that I have been to Vegas, I don't have any pictures to take because I have seriously taken a picture of everything in Vegas!

This is inside our limo The Cosmopolitan sent to the airport to pick us up.

The was the other picture I took in Crystals Shopping Center.  The blue flowers are hydrangea's which are my favorite flower! 

Our room faced The Bellagio fountains and this was the view!  So pretty!!!!

 

So, we got home from Vegas on Sunday and Wednesday we were off to our next vacay, Playa Del Carmen in Mexico!  We decided to stay at a Boutique Hotel rather than an All Inclusive so we could venture out for dinner.  We stayed at Acanto Boutique Hotel.  It was a very nice place that was only a block away from the beach and right at 5th Street, so for the convenience factor it was perfect!  But, I wouldn't stay there again.  The rooms smelled like sewage and was really overpriced for what we had!  But, it was worth staying at because we had the BEST food ever!!  When you stay at All Inclusive hotels you tend to stay at the resorts since your meals are included.    

 

This was by far my favorite trip for more than one reason, but the main reason was because it was our first wedding anniversary.  It was four days of fun in the sun and I was SO excited!!!  We started our trip off with massages next door to our hotel.  It was FABULOUS!!!!  Jason was very excited to find out that he could make bets on the March Madness games.  He was in total HEAVEN!!!  We spent our days at the beach and nights at The Tequila Barrel! 

The Living Room and dining area of our hotel room.

Our kitchen area which we did not use!!

The bedroom

The view of the beach from my lounge chair!  So relaxing!!

This was the book I read while laying on the beach.  I HIGHLY recommend it!  Very good message about losing weight through a spiritual connection! 

First drink in Playa!

Best shrimp quesadilla I have ever eaten, EVER!!!!   Café Adela was such a fun place!!

We went to this little Cuban place called La Bodeguita del Medio that was just amazing!!!  Seriously, these were the most amazing shrimp fajitas of my life!!  You need to run to this place the second you get to Playa!!  Trust me on this, just trust me!!!

Crazy girls dancing on the bar for free shots of Tequila at The Tequila Barrel!  I love watching these girls act crazy!!

Our Vanilla Latte's at Chez Celine.  These were pretty tasty!!

This is the almond croissant from Chez Celine.  This was scrumptious!!  So AMAZING!!!  I can't even describe to you how truly yummy this tasted!!  I can't wait to go back and get one!  You better run to this place too!!!  Then run all the way to the beach to burn off the million calories this thing probably has in it!!  Do you see a trend of the food being AMAZING!!!  Not kidding!!!!

Our Anniversary dinner on our First Year Anniversary, March 29, 2014!  This is also the only picture we have of ourselves from our whole trip.   I was WAY too busy taking pictures of the food we were eating to take pictures of us! 

 

Our last trip was this past weekend to Arkansas for Baby Luke's Christening.  We left on Wednesday afternoon after a Baby Doctor Appointment and the thousand things I was trying to get done for the house builds!! 

 

We stayed at a house on the river in Heber Springs that was SO cute!!  As much as I hate to admit this (Don't tell my Father in Law), it did make me want to build that lake house he keeps talking about!  Not because I like the lake because I actually hate the lake, but really just for the relaxation of it!  The guys fished and the girls drank wine on the porch.  Seriously, My Sister and I spent every waking hour on that porch.  It was really a much needed relaxing trip.  

The house on the River.

Our bedroom

The porch were we spent all our time!  This is a MUST for any lake house I have to own!! 

The kitchen.

The living room

 

It is sad that I don't have any pictures of Baby Luke's Christening from Saturday, but in my defense it was because I was the photographer at the event with my Sister's camera!  I will have to post pictures when my Sister gets back.  She is still at the house on the river until Wednesday.   But, I got this picture from My Brother in Law while we were driving back home in the monsoon of rain!! 

She was SO proud of the fish she caught.  Apparently, she had some fish blood on her white pants and she was SO proud!!  I told my Sister she probably won't let her wash those pants either!!  I LOVE my Little Buttercup SO much!!!  She seriously is me re-incarnated!!  It drives me Sister CRAZY!!! 

 

So, after the fun of the last few weeks, the weekend coming up will be a little "rest" from travelling for a few weeks at least!! 

 

Last but surely not least, things with Baby R are moving right along.  I still struggle with the things I can't control and the BEYOND RUDE things that people say and ask!!!  I want my little Baby to be here already!!!  I am secretly praying DAILY that Baby R will make an early (but healthy) appearance, just by a little bit!!  I don't think that is asking TOO much, right??!!!  Besides, I do need to be in my new house BEFORE the birth!!  I think I have seriously aged a few years!!  I may need an appointment with Botox by the end of the year for a little "pick me up" on this face of mine!!  I have learned I am not cut out for being out of control of ANYTHING!!!  I accept it and embrace it!!

 

I have started getting things in order for the arrival of Baby R too and that has been A LOT of fun!!  It is one of the very few things I do have total control of and LOVE it!!  I knew I was going to do a gender neutral nursery from the beginning so that it could get multiple use out of it.  I would rather decorate a gender specific room for when the kid is older and will get more years use out of it for any future Babies we may have.  I have spent hours looking at crib bedding and getting a plan of how I would decorate the nursery.  I FINALLY found something I absolutely love.  It is being custom made by a sweet Lady on Etsy.  There are so many things I need to order on Etsy with Baby R's Monogram.  I just LOVE shopping for Baby R!!  Going to register was WAY too much fun!!!  Some could say that I probably registered earlier than usual, BUT there was a reason to my madness in regards to that!!  Everything I registered for was gender neutral and totally perfect!!  There is so much stuff for babies that wasn't even thought of when Lily was born just a little shy of three years ago!  I am going to be IN TROUBLE with the Hubby for sure when this kid is born!!!

 

Building my new house has actually been just what I need to distract my time when I am not shopping for Baby R!  In fact, building this house actually consumes the majority of my time!  If I am not at my house, I am at the Duplex down the street that we are building too.  So, I spend my days meeting with contractors and making every single decision that has to be made on my house everyday.  Just today I spent two hours of my day learning all about appliances!  Good thing I am a Google freak and already knew some stuff.  Actually, the guy at the Appliance Store was quite impressed with my knowledge of stuff.  A lot of work goes into building a house and quite frankly I LOVE it!!  I was born to do this!  Seriously, I have found what I want to be when I grow up!! 

Crazy Life

I LOVE my Crazy Life!!!  It makes things SO exciting!!  It seems like it has been forever since I have had a "relaxing" day.  I am either helping my Sister with her kids, going to appointments for Baby, appointments with house trades people or going to look at the "guts" for the new house.  I am pretty exhausted to say the least!  It has been great for my sleeping schedule though!  I know I need to rest up for Baby! 

I am SO happy to report that things are actually moving right along with the house.  There is a VERY good chance we just might be in the house before Baby makes an appearance.  I AM PRAYING REALLY HARD ABOUT THIS!!!!  It would be ideal to have everything in place BEFORE bringing home Baby!!  Right now if the weather keeps going like today, we should be moving in around July or August. 

We finally got the foundation poured on Saturday!  It was FREEZING outside too!  It is actually pretty fascinating to watch a foundation being poured.  I am SO glad it wasn't at 5am in the morning on a Saturday either!  This is a HUGE process with LOTS of noise, trucks and guys hollering!  I woke up to that a few Saturday's again with the duplex we are having built down the road from our current house!  And yes, the neighbor's were none too happy to say the least!  The Father in Law got a call from the City for that one!   But anyways, I was SO thankful that the rain held off until the foundation was poured and pretty much dried and being buffed.  Thank you, JESUS!!!!

Before the pour

During the pour. 

I still have LOTS to pick out for the house, but I pretty much know what I want.  Now, I just need to go buy the stuff and wait for it to be delivered.   So much stuff to pick out and chose from!  I need plumbing fixtures next week!!  EEEEKKKKK!!!!!  Windows too!  And a color for the concrete tile roof!  I'm getting anxiety as I type this!!  I need to GET BUSY!!!!  YIKES!!!!!!

My Mother In Law found this really inexpensive place to buy iron doors and told me I needed to check it out.  So, My Sister In Law, Mother In Law and myself took a little road trip to Tyler one Friday afternoon!  Good Times and SO worth the drive because my Sister In Law found what she wanted and I found exactly what I wanted!

Front Door, Check!

 

Ok, ok, enough about the house!  Onto more important topics..........BABY!!!!!!!!!!

 

It's going on week 15 now and things are moving right along.  The Baby has a great heartbeat and all looks good!  I actually found out the sex last week, but The Hubby doesn't want to know!  So, that means no one else gets to know either since I KNOW it would get back to him somehow!  So, I told "B" she couldn't say anything either!  I really thought it was going to be hard to keep it a secret, but I have find that I am actually getting pretty good at this secret keeping thing and I kind of like it!!!  I am kind of looking forward to the surprise of it when everyone finds out!  The Hubby wants to know when everyone else does, so we will see how that takes place!  He also said he might not want to know until the kid is born, SO it might be a LONG awaited surprise!  All I know, if the secret gets out, it WAS NOT me that told it!!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE making people wait in suspense!!! 

 

It makes my heart happy that The Hubby is getting excited.  He called me about something that one of his Client's had done for his Baby and so, Hubby had to call me and tell me about it as he wants to do it too.  He was SO excited about it and while he was telling me this, I could hear the SMILE on his face.  But, me being me, started laughing at him and was like, "Who is this??"  So, he got mad and said he had to go and hung up on me!  I am still laughing about it now!  

 

He text me the next day and said he had a dream as to what the sex was of the Baby and that it was twins!  Well, I assured him it wasn't going to be twins!  He REALLY REALLY wanted twins!  Sorry about his luck!  This girl is SO excited it wasn't twins!!! 

 

 

 

 

Happy BIRTH-day, Luke Joseph

What a BUSY week it was in my world.  It started on Wednesday when we went for a birth defect testing on Baby R.  Since we are using a Surrogate, we can't do the genetics testing that is usually able to be done which will also determine the sex of the Baby at 10 weeks.  So, it was basically just a detailed sonogram pretty much like what you get at 20 weeks.  It is called Nuclear Translucency Testing which has to be done between 10-14 weeks.  We pretty much got to know most of the results with the sonogram which showed everything to be great with the Baby and no signs of any birth defects.  We also got to hear the heartbeat which was the first time Jason heard it.  It was 171, which awesome! 

After the appointment, I had to rush to get Lily from my Sister so she could get her hair done and a pedicure before Luke's arrival.  We are keeping Lily until my Sister gets home with Luke and settled in.  On Thursday, my Sister went to work then came over to visit Lily.  So, we went to lunch at Bread Winners in Northpark (which was the worst service and food ever), then we went to my favorite store, Nordstrom.  I got Lily some Chucks!  She loves those things!!  For those that don't know what Chucks are, they are converse.  Then, we went to Build A Bear to get some surgery done on the bear I got her for Valentine's Day.  Once we finished up at the mall, we went over to Pottery Barn Kids to look at cribs.  I wanted to see how sturdy the one I want for Baby R was and it is perfect.  My Sister looked at the same one for Luke as well but in a different color.  Poor guy doesn't even have a room yet because my Sister doesn't want to give up the guest room where she will be sleeping with Luke.  After that, it was time for her to go home and get ready for Luke. 

She insisted on wearing them out of the store to be like LuLu.  I had mine on too!!  Oh, and the sunglasses she has on are actually for her Build A Bear!

So, here we are at Friday and it was time for the BIG day!!  Luke Joseph arrived February 28 at 9:01am weighing 6lbs 6ozs and was 19.5 inches long.  He is SO tiny and skinny!  No fat on him at all!!!  Lily woke up telling me we needed to get a Birthday cake for Baby Luke, so we got dressed and went to Whole Foods for a Birthday Cake for him.  Then we went to the Donut Shop for breakfast for Lily.  No, not for me!!  I was off to Starbucks for my Skinny Vanilla Latte.  On the way to the hospital with Lily, I got a call from the Doctor's office with the results of the testing and they said it was the lowest percentage possible for birth defects which was AWESOME news!!  Such a relief to hear and one less thing to worry about during all this!   When Lily and I got to the hospital, we went to the gift shop to get balloons for her and Luke.  She is OBSESSED with balloons and insisted on getting one! 

 

Here is the Little Diva ready to see Baby Luke!!  And yes, she did insist on wearing those sunglasses in the hospital!

 

Me holding Baby Luke for the first time!  He was about 4 hours old!

Lily singing to Happy "Dirthday" to Baby Luke!  (My Sister is going to kill me when she sees I posted a picture of her the day she gave birth!!  She had a C-Section so she had to stay in bed for 24 hours.)

Here we are at Monday.  Lily is completely exhausted from her BIG weekend at LuLu's were she gets away with pretty much anything!  So slept until 9:45, so I got some ME time!!  It made me realize that when I have Baby R I MUST get up VERY EARLY so I can have ME time for a bit before he or she wakes up every day.  I read one of my favorite blogs by Shay Shull and she said she wakes up at 4am everyday so that she can have her time in the morning to do her work, laundry or whatever she needs to do before her kids wake up.  I thought it was crazy to get up that early, but I totally see why she does it!  Smart Girl for sure!!! 

 

 

 

Bitter, Angry, Chip On My Shoulder????

So, the title of this post is the words that have been used to describe me by my "Family" this week.  It is actually not really mine, it is the Husband's family.  Do I think it is rude and HIGHLY offensive, YES, I totally do!!!  Do I understand why they would say this, YES I totally do....

Since we have told people how we are going about having a Baby, it has amazed me the things that people have said that we have told about the Baby.  I would think most people would just say it is wonderful news and how happy they are that we are going to be Parents.......UUUUUUHHHHHH, NOT SO MUCH!!!

I have been asked or told.....

"So, this is Jason's Baby, right??"

"So, what does the Egg Donor look like??"

"So, is this your Baby??"

"Oh, you use an Egg Donor, aren't you worried about their family history???" (This one is seriously my personal favorite because it goes to show you just how ignorant people are)

"Oh, no, you had to use an Egg Donor, oh, I sure hope your Baby doesn't have problems!"

"You shouldn't use an Egg Donor because there is no telling what you will get!"  (REALLY, this one just disturbs me!!!)

"So, what does your Surrogate look like?"  (UUUUUHHHH, what the heck does that even matter at all???)

"I sure hope this person you have carrying your Baby isn't doing drugs or eating stuff she isn't supposed."

"I sure hope this Lady doesn't keep your Baby."  (Yes, I am quite sure she is planning on keeping the Baby!, GEEZ!!!!)

Literally, these are statements that have been made RIGHT AFTER we have told these people we are having a Baby!!  I just don't understand how people can be so rude and heartless!  And, yes it is MY opinion that I think it is rude!  I guess my deal is, what does it matter???  The fact is, we are going to have a baby.  It should matter who, what, when or how it happened.  It is a BABY!!!  They aren't the ones that will be supporting her or she or taking care of the her or she.

I guess you have to walk a mile in my shoes to understand how I feel.  It is already bad enough that I can't carry a child or even have a blood relation to a child of my own, so to be asked such rude and inappropriate questions just really stabs me in the heart as I feel that people don't think this Baby is mine.  I go with the statement that just because you can birth a child of your own, doesn't make you a parent.  But, I am truly beginning to see that some people really don't believe that!  I wish people could take a step back and put themselves in my position and realize how ignorant they sound by asking such rude and quite frankly questions that are NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!!  For me, a dumb question deserves a dumb and even rude answer.  Maybe then, people will think how their question sounds.  At the end of the day, I am going to be a MOTHER to MY Child and that is ALL that should matter!!  

I think our IVF Doctor described to me the true definition of an Egg Donor.  He said, it is only tissue from a person that is used to create the Baby that will be yours.  Those words really have come to mean a lot to me!  Heck, my IVF Nurse told me the day we were released from their care, that she sure hopes the Baby has my eyes just as serious as ever.  For her, it was a matter of feeling that this Baby was part of me no matter if there was a blood line their or not.  She really didn't even think any other way, even though she knew our whole story. 

I do blame myself for a lot of the repercussions I have endured with people and their stupid questions though.  I chose to be honest though this whole process and not "lie" about how the Baby came to be.  The last thing I want to do is lie to my Child.  So, after much back in forth in my head, I chose to do the right thing and tell people the truth about using an Egg Donor.  I felt like I wanted people to be able to know there are other ways to be a Mom even if you do have fertility issues, BUT it really isn't anyone's business to know how we had a Baby.  Granted, it isn't like I go up to every single person I know and tell them we have an Egg Donor, but I thought I could tell our Family my feelings and not be crucified for it and questioned!   I do understand that this is all new to them and they don't know any better, but have some compassion for me at least.  Heck, say those things behind my back like normal people!  My Brother in Law describes it best by saying that people don't go around asking others how much they weigh, so why do people find it ok to ask about the Egg Donor.  I will repeat....WHAT DOES IT MATTER????  In the end, it doesn't and it just hurts that people wouldn't be more sympathetic to my feelings. 

So, the Family used Bitter to describe me.  This one is a word that I would say YES, you are CORRECT!!!  I am bitter that people all around me can get pregnant and carry their own child and then get it taken away because drugs or alcohol are more important than their Child, then turn around and get pregnant again just to have the same thing happen.  Yes, I am bitter too because people abuse or even worse, kill their own children!!  It is an endless cycle with so many girls I hear about, it makes me sick and yes, BITTER!!!  I am pretty sure I am not alone in that aspect.  So, if you would like to say I am Bitter, than sign me up!!!!!  Yep, that's me!!!!! 

The other word used to describe me was Angry.  Why yes, yes I am angry that I am unable to bear my own Children.  Who wouldn't be??  Am I the exception to the rule that I should be happy and jumping from the couch that I can't have a child from my own Baby like most women??  I think not!!  So, if that makes me Angry, than so be it.  Yes, I am angry and do not understand why this happened to me.  Sorry, that people wouldn't be able to understand that one at all!  It actually makes me more angry that people can't think how that would make me feel and how inadequate as a woman I would feel, but they sure seem to be able to judge me for my feelings.

So, this brings me to my all time favorite that was used to describe me.  It was actually these exact words, "You really have a chip on your shoulder!"  Well, yes, yes I do because I have to deal with a Family that can't even step back for ONE SECOND and think how I possibly would feel at all!!!  Yes, DING DING DING, we have a winner people!!!  So, if my "Family" really wants to insinuate that I have a chip on my shoulder, they are the reason!!  They have no idea what I feel nor do I think some of them even care.  I know they are always scared to ask anything about Baby, but this is the very reason I don't like to talk to them about it.  They just don't support me, they want to tell me everything that is wrong or what THEY think.  Well, to be honest, I don't care what they think since they aren't living my life.  I just want them to let me say and be how ever I want to be and just be there to listen, BUT that isn't going to happen with most of them, so why bother anymore! 

I mean, I wish they could see what it is like to be at Doctor appointments and not really acknowledged or even be listed on the sonograms.  I mean, it is OUR BABY!!!  I get there are all these "laws" in regards to the "patient" and stuff like that, but I still don't find it fair or right.  I mean, there is no genetic link to our Baby and the Carrier.  I know that it is her body and completely understand, but it still is hard to swallow sometimes.  I know she isn't to blame at all as she is just following the laws as well.  And, I am not blaming her or saying it is her fault at all, it is just frustrating when Doctors and Nurses barely even act like they know who you are and barely address you at appointments.  It just blows my mind that the Carrier has all the rights and power over our Child.  I mean, she literally has to sign a form giving the Doctors permission to give me information on MY BABY!!  SERIOUSLY????  I think that would make anyone feel pretty inadequate and upset to know that the Carrier has all the rights and you are pretty much helpless.  I am controlled by laws and regulations not what is right or fair.  I know it is what it is and I get it, but it still doesn't make it fair or change the way it makes me feel.  But, I also know life isn't fair and not everything in life is that way we want it either.  I am actually a very rational person and did not go into this lightly, BUT I am entitled to having my own feelings and thoughts and would think that my "Family" would be the ones to be there for me and understand things.  I should be able to voice my feelings and vent all I want and not be judged and called Bitter, Angry or be told I have a chip on my Shoulder.  Even if they don't agree, they could at least act like they do and just support me as Family should!  I know that are just ignorant to this whole process and that is some of the reason they don't understand why I feel the way I do at all. 

I am SO very happy that I have this blog to capture the good, the bad and even the ugly sides of my life.  I know I am VERY lucky to be able to have the opportunity to have a child through Surrogacy.  I know a lot of couples that can't afford to do it and would probably give anything to go through all the good and bad to have a child through Surrogacy.  And don't get me wrong, I am EXTREMELY thankful and blessed each and every day that I am fortunate enough to have a dream come true!! 

In the same token, I also want to share all my thoughts and feelings to the whole process and the feelings that I have through this.  I think a lot of times, the Parents are kind of on the back burner and don't really get to express their feelings.  I hope that me voicing my feelings will really be something that other Parents can relate to and know they are not alone, like I often feel.  This process isn't easy and it comes with many challenges and obstacles.  But, it also comes with a huge reward in the end and that is the dream of becoming a Mommy!!!  I can honestly say, this has been one of the hardest things I have dealt with in my life.  So, would I say it is all worth it, absolutely!  Do I wish more people could understand, absolutely!! 

I am very thankful that our Carrier is someone that I know will take care of our Baby and just wants us to be parents in the end.  I am glad that she has given me the opportunity to be at the appointments and know pretty much everything that is going on with the Baby.  I know that she really tries to make me feel very involved in everything.  Like I said before, she isn't the one making the laws and rules on how this process is handled.  She is doing just as I am doing and that is what the laws and contracts state.  I am quite sure she has her own set of frustrations with the process and how things are done.  But for her, she is making my dream come true!!!  For that, I am truly grateful to her.  She will always hold a VERY special place in my heart!!!   She is giving me the BEST gift anyone can give someone!!  :-) :-) :-)  It was actually kind of funny today when I saw her and she said she wanted to get me a Birthday gift and I was like, uuuuuhhhhhh, NO you are giving me a gift in about six more months!!!  I think that is BETTER than all the Birthday gifts I have ever received in my whole life!!!  She will be the BEST Birthday gift giver EVER!!!!  She wins the award for sure!!!!

So, with all this said, I can't end this WAY TOO LONG post without acknowledging the Egg Donor for donating her tissue to help create our Miracle Baby!!!  She will always be an inspiration to me and I will always have a bond with her even though I don't know her at all!!  It is nothing that I can explain myself, but I really believe it is that bond that will bring me closer to my Baby!   I know I am going to be the BEST Mommy in the world and I sure hope that one day My Baby will know just how much I wanted him or her and did whatever it took to make it happen!!!  The day I get to see my Baby for the first time, I know the all the trials and tribulations will seem VERY insignificant!   

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Well, yesterday was the BIG 3-5 birthday for me.  I can't believe that I am actually 35.  I don't feel 35 and I don't think I look 35.  At least, that is what I hope others think!!!  I mean seriously, when my Grandma was only one year old than me at 36, she was a Grandma to my Sister!  That is just crazy to me to even think that I am old enough to potentially be a Grandmother.  Thank God that isn't going to happen!!  Heck, I am barely going to be a Mom! 

So, my birthday was actually a good day.  The weather was BEAUTIFUL!!!  So, my Sister and Lily took me to lunch at East Hampton Sandwich Company in Snider Plaza.  I LOVE that Shopping Center!!  Like most of Dallas though, the parking isn't great though!  You have to circle around and around to get a parking spot and deal with the what I call the Highland Park B*tches who think they are better than EVERYONE!!  Not all of them are like that, but let me tell you, there are A LOT that do think that way!  Just go drive around the place and you will see exactly what I am talking about.  Anyways, we both had the Lobster Rolls for our meal and they were SO YUMMY!!!  I loved it and will definitely have to take the Hubby there!  After that, we strolled over to Baby Bliss.  My Sister got a gift from someone that she wanted to take back.  It was a onsie that was WAY over priced for a baby that will just spit up all over it!  So, we looked through the store at all the same stuff you would find at Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby except it is 100% higher priced and decided on a more practical item.  But, while I was there, the BEST thing happened.  The Orbit Baby G2 Car Seat and Stroller was on sale for 1/2 off!!  SCORE!!!   I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Orbit Baby stuff, but the price is not something that I love or the Hubby loves at all!!!  So, since the G3 is now out, they are trying to get rid of the G2 much to my benefit!  So, I got an extra little birthday gift!  Doesn't get much better than that!

Baby R will be riding in style for sure with this thing!!

This is my Birthday gift from Lily!

My Sister got me these Hunter Boots and I can't wait to wear them!  I never wanted a pair until I kept reading Mix and Match Mama blog and raved about them!  Come on rain!!!

As we were walking over the Crème De La Cookie to get something sweet for Lily, I saw the Hubby walking by.  I was like, hey, what are you doing here.  He was at Nekter Juice Bar.  I found out about the GREATNESS of Nekter Bar from Alexis Bellino of The Housewives of Orange County and after doing some googling, found out they had FINALLY come to Dallas!!  YAY!!!!  I made the Hubby take me there the day before my Birthday and he really liked his juice, so decided to get one for lunch. 

For dinner, the Hubby and me went to one of my favorite restaurants, Royal Thai.  I just LOVE their food!!!  After dinner, we went across the street to Yumilicious for some froyo!  Then back home to watch The Bachelor, Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 2 and The Housewives of Beverly Hills.  It was a pretty amazing birthday and I am so very glad to have such wonderful people in my life to share my day with.  It was one of the best birthdays EVER!!  And, I am not done with the celebrations!  I am having lunch this week with my Grandparents and a family Birthday Party this weekend.  It is going to be a great week! 

My Hubby got me a pair of Citizen jeans.  I love love love this brand!  They are seriously the best jeans EVER!!  If you don't own a pair, get on down to Nordstrom and buy a pair and you will know exactly what I am talking about!

The Hubby also got me a Goddis Poncho.  I love this brand for slouchy comfortable days!  This thing is so comfortable! (I got this a little early, so I have already worn it!)

I got a shirt to go with my jeans too!  It is SUPER comfy!!

I can't wait to wear this from my Hubby.  It is Goddis too and it is going to look SUPER cute with some cut off shorts this summer! 

We are also making progress with the house.  We now have the form boards up, the trenches dug for plumbing, plumbing going in and the electric pole installed.  It is just a few days away from getting the foundation poured.  WHOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!  If we keep going at this rate, we actually could be in before Baby gets here!!!  

Everything with Baby is great.  It was 11 weeks as of Monday, so the first trimester is almost over!!  YAY!!!  I can't wait to find out what it is so I can start buying all kinds of clothes and the baby bedding.  I also want to get the room color figured out for the new house.  Oh, there is so much to do!  It is all so exciting!!  Pretty much everyone who knows about the Baby thinks it is a Boy, so it will be interesting to see if that is the case!