One step closer

Well, it has been extremely hard to keep this secret, but we are one step closer to being Parents.  We got the BEST Christmas gift the day after Christmas.  I got a FB message while I was driving through the parking lot of Stonebriar Mall on the way to Nordstrom with a positive pregnancy test.  I really didn't know what I was looking at first.  But, I quickly figured out once I saw that it said "Congratulations" in the picture.  I couldn't believe it!!!  In fact, I still can't, eight weeks later!! 

So, here is the story that has been pretty much a secret for a while now.  It started back in December after we got back from Ohio visiting Jason's family.  He had to do his part of the process, BUT it wasn't that easy for him so drastic measures had to be taken.  So, anyways not to bore you all with details, just trust me that it was a PROCESS and one that I am sure he will not forget anytime soon!!  So, this all took place on December 16, 2013 which was the same day that the Egg Donor would be doing the egg retrieval.  Both parts had to be done at the same time so they could get the Embryos for the fresh transfer on day three or five.  Five day is ideal, but if the Embryos aren't doing as well, they would do a three day transfer.  Well, the Embryos were all good for a five day transfer.  So, on Saturday, December 21, 2013 we went to get "B" and off to the clinic we went.  It was raining that day, so it kind of delayed us a bit, but nothing too bad.  So, they took us into a room to do the process of transferring the Embryos.  Jason was out at that point, but I stayed with "B" for the transfer.  The Dr. came in and it literally took him about three minutes to transfer the two Embryos.  Then, "B" had to lay elevated for 30 minutes.  Jason came back to the room to wait with us.  Once that was done, we were off to McDonald's for fries.  That is the Surrogate tradition I learned.  So, we all ate our fries on the way to drop "B" off with her friend to relax for the rest of the day and night.  This also happened to be the day of one of my Family Christmas' and it was SO hard to not say a word when my Grandpa asked how the Baby stuff is going.  I know they want me to be a Mommy probably more than I do.  But, I just didn't want to jinx anything, so I just said things were going well. 

"B" had told me that she would probably be able to test on Christmas, but I told her I didn't want to know until after Christmas, just in case it didn't work.  It would be too sad for me.  The Dr. appointment to confirm the pregnancy was not until NYE, which I thought was AWESOME, well as long as it was good news!!  But, the test would show as early as four days after transfer.  Well, she said she just knew she was pregnant, so on Christmas night she took a test and it was POSITIVE!  She said she jumped on the bed she was so excited.  I didn't know she had tested, but the next day I was getting comments on the secret FB page I am on for people like me.  :-)  They were asking me if I had news and I was like, am I supposed to.....At that same time, "B" had text me to see if I could meet for lunch, but I was already with My Sister and Lily doing after Christmas shopping.  It had become a tradition. So, I asked her if we could meet the next day and she said, sure.  Well, I then told her what people on the board were asking me and she said, "Do you want news?"  Of course I was like, yes.  She then sent me the test I mentioned earlier.  I then went to Pottery Barn kids and bought the first present for Baby R.  It was a little stuffed elephant.  If you know we well, you know the deal with me and elephants. 

So, she continued testing daily to make sure the lines get darker.  If they don't darker, my understanding is that it could be a chemical pregnancy.  The lines did get darker as the days went on so I was confident that it worked.  So, December 31, 2013 came and it was time for her to go to the IVF Clinic to get BETA.  That is the blood test that determines pregnancy.  The BETA number was 205.  They said anything over 100 is a great number especially consider it was only 10 days from transfer.  She then had to go back two days later to do another BETA in order to make sure the number grew.  This time the number was 433.  We were for sure having a Baby!!! 

Now we just had to wait for the Sonogram to determine if there was one Baby or two.  So, the sono appointment was set for January 13, 2014.  Everyone that knew was hoping it was twins, but not this girl right here!!  I would have been happy with two, but I really just wanted one Baby to cuddle and never let go!!  That would be a lot harder with two at one time!!  Everything was looking good with the sonogram and we were on track for the next appointment to hear the heartbeat.  "B" was kind of upset that they didn't try to hear it at this one since it was six weeks.  The IVF Clinic just wouldn't do it.  We were really supposed to go for the sonogram at 5 1/2 weeks, but I was in Mexico at that time and "B" wanted to wait for me to get back before going. 

So, we went to our next sonogram appointment on Friday, January 24th to see the development and hear the heartbeat.  Jason was supposed to go, but work priorities got in the way.  I was really a little disappointed since he had know about this appointment for a while and could have just exited the appointment he was on with one of his Sales People a little earlier.  Of course, that revelation next crossed My Workaholic Husband's little mind!!  So, the did the sonogram and I could see the little flutter of the heartbeat on the what looks like a blob on the screen.  It was really fast.  So, then the Dr. turned on the sound and we heard the little heartbeat.  It was SO awesome to hear.  I will never forget that sound!!  I hate that Jason will never get that moment!!  The IVF Clinic was so excited for us after all we have been through, so it was a little bittersweet to be done with them and move on to the OBGYN. 

The frame was a sweet gift from our Surro Family.  The picture is the latest sonogram.

Fun in the sun......Well, sort of...........

So, every year The Husband takes the top Sales Person (technically, My Hubby is the top Sales Person in the Company, so I guess it is the second best Producer in the Company) to Mexico as a thank you.  A Recruiter goes as well.  There is only one that has been with the Company long enough to qualify at this point, then "My Brother in Law and Sister in Law" go as well..  I always feel like these trips really aren't a vacation since it is with the Hubby's employees and I have to be on my best behavior which is hard to do when you are just real and it's hard to be fake!!!  I struggle greatly with it and the Hubby has gotten in trouble for the things that I say from his "Brother", so I really, really try hard!!!  I am just not good at being phony at all!!!  I guess I need to buy a book on how to be a phony fake.  Is there such a thing??  Maybe I need to write a book about it if there isn't one just as soon as I figure out how to do it!  So, I would really like to go back to the resort we stayed at with just my Hubby and me to really have fun!!! 

So, we left Dallas Wednesday, January 8th on a very fog, dreary day.  It was a perfect time to get out of Dallas and get some sun since I had spent most of December sick!  When we got to the Cancun airport it was PACKED!!!  So, we had a little wait to get through Customs and back check.  Once we got outside, it was SO humid and cloudy.  The sun was no where in sight.  Sigh!!!!  So, we got in the van to the Hotel and grabbed some beer for the road trip.  It took about 40 minutes to get from the airport to the Hotel.  When we pulled up, I was so happy to see the Hotel was super nice!  It was the first time we had stayed at this Hotel.  It was Excellence Playa Mujeres, which I did a lot of research on before booking the trip and the reviews were excellent.  It was pretty the best all inclusive resort I have ever stayed in.  Definitely worth every penny!! 

So, once we got checked into our room, it was still raining, so I decided to take a siesta!  It was the best sleep I have had in a long time!!  I finally woke up at 7:45pm.  The Husband had about 10 text messages from our Party.  So, we got up and got ready to go to dinner.  Everyone else had already eaten, so we went to the Agave, which was the Mexican restaurant at the resort.  The food was SO GOOD!!!  I think the Hubby was pretty blown away at how good the food was for an all inclusive resort.  The food is usually just ok.  We met up with the rest of our party after dinner and had drinks and just talked. 

The next day we woke up to another dreary day!  I was really over this weather by now!  I can for SUN!!!  So, we decided to go to the spa for massages.  We did a massage on the beach, which was a little cold, but it was actually pretty great! 

The sun FINALLY came out on Friday and we all took the boat over to Isla Mujeres.  I HIGHLY recommend this place as it is simply MAGNIFICIANT!!!  You can rent a golf cart for the day and just drive around the island.  the water is SO PRETTY!!!  This year we went zip lining, which I was a little nervous about, but I did it and can't wait to do it again!!  It was fun!!! 

I just love the towel swans they made!

The Jacuzzi bath had a window that opened to the patio which was awesome!!

The candelabra was in the lobby of Agave and I had to take a picture of it because it was SO cool!!

I loved that they still had the resort decorated for Christmas!!!  It was still that way when we left on Sunday! 

This was at our favorite bar in Isla Mujeres. 

This was Friday night after the rain was over so my hair isn't near as frizzy from the humidity.

This was the view from our room. 

I loved the daybed on our balcony.  We spent most of the day Thursday on that thing just watching the rain before our spa appointment

We were back at Agave on Saturday night after we had to leave The Lobster House due to the lobster being horrible!!  it was the only thing I ate the whole time that was bad!  They had the best Mango Margaritas in the world!!  To die for!!!!

Getting ready to go down the zip line!  This picture also was my realization that I need to drop a few pounds!  My arms look SO big and I won't even talk about the fat roll above my harness!  YUCK!!!!!

 

Oh, I also totally forgot to post the best present I got last year!  I LOVE IT!!!!!

This was a gift from "B".  She knows I love shoes, so this was perfect, plus the saying is very fitting!!  It is my Motto for 2014!! 

It says, "The DREAMS that you dare to DREAM REALLY DO COME TRUE!!

Merry After Christmas!!

Another Christmas has come and gone and usually I am a little sad to see it end, but not this year.  Even though I LOVE Christmas time, I am also looking forward to 2014.  I remember this time last year and I was in the midst of wedding planning and was SO excited for 2013.  Now, I am SO ready for what 2014 will bring.  I think I had more Christmas celebrations than ever this year!  It started on Saturday, the 21st at my Grandparents Christmas which is always interested because that Family has SO many CRA CRA people in it!!  It is always good people watching for sure.  I had my Mother and her Husband and My Sister and Brother in Law over on the Sunday before Christmas, then a full day of Christmas activities on Christmas Eve followed by a dinner on Christmas Day.  Needless to say, I am really ready for normalcy!  Next on the agenda, to take all the decorations down.  That is NOT something I am looking forward to!!! 

My Christmas Table

                                                     The tree with all the presents!  Love it!!

Our First Christmas as Mr. and Mrs.

Outdoor fireplaces are the best!!!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!!

I love everything about Christmas.  I love to decorate my Christmas Tree and fireplace mantel and go look at Christmas lights.  It is such a pretty time of year.  I wish that life wasn't so busy because I would love to have a tradition of a Christmas Party with our friends.  Maybe when we move into the new house I will be able to do that since we will have more room for entertaining and can hire a babysitter for all of our friend's that have kids.  I love to entertain so this would be right up my alley!  I can't wait until the day I have a child so that I can do all kinds of fun stuff with him or her.  There are SO many things you can do for the kids and I want to have Christmas Traditions for my little family every year.  One of the things I remember the most from my childhood is the things I did with my Grandparents every year at Christmas time.  My Grandma always made Christmas so special and actually it is also this time of the year that I miss my Grandparents the most.  I sure hope my Christmas wish comes true!! 

I just love the burlap animal print ribbon I found at First Monday. 

The top of the tree is one of my favorite things about my tree.  I have done this tree topper for a few years now before it was "the cool thing" to do.  Every year I get compliments from the same people on it like they have never seen it on the tree before. 

The whole view of the tree.  It is 9 feet tall and it takes what seems like forever to decorate and get the branches just the way I like them.  I am having a closet built in the new house just to store the tree, so I can just wheel it into the closet like this every year!  Then I can get a real tree too.  I love real Christmas Trees and will have one next year to go along with this one!  So, I guess I am not really saving myself much time if I am just going to decorate the real one.  Oh well, at least it will only be one and not two to decorate!

I love this ornament.  One of my sweet friends got this for us as a wedding gift and I waited all year to put it on the tree.  It has the our wedding date on the other side.  It is SO CUTE!!!

My mantel is a little boring right now, but it works for this year.  I am going to go to the sales after Christmas and find a wreath to add to it next year and some new garland.  I don't like this stuff at all.  It has little plastic ice crystals all over it and gets EVERYWHERE!!  I am going to retire it after this season.  I think I am just going to find some plain garland and then add my own touches to it with the help of my hot glue gun and some fun stuff!!  I looked everywhere for stockings with an animal print design and these are what I found at First Monday.  I like them because they are a little different than the tree and complement the colors in the living room.  Jason doesn't like them though.  Oh well, I do so they are staying!  :-) 

 

I am keeping things a little quiet right now on the Baby front until we know for sure what is going to happen as to not let ourselves down.  I don't want the most wonderful time of the year to be ruined by the ordeal we have faced with the Baby stuff.  I know it is a little wrong to not let our own Family in on all the Baby stuff, but I kind of describe it to others as the ones that had a Baby the "old fashion way" not telling us every time they see us if they had sex.  I know that is kind of to the point, but it is truly the same thing, just in a different way.  I also just don't feel like we have to share every detail of this with our Family members.  Jason and I just try to be as normal as can be when we are around our Family and not let them in on our life of getting Baby.  It just makes any kind of let downs even worse when you have to tell others bad things.  So, pretty much VERY few people will even know anything until there IS a Baby and we are telling the sex of the little miracle.  That is the plan for now.  Some many things have gone wrong, so I am truly hopeful for my wish to come true! 

About a house.......

Well, the time FINALLY came that we closed on the house/lot.  It felt like forever since we started this process, but we closed on Tuesday.  It was such a relief to know that we can now start the craziness of house building.  First, we had to take care of some much needed cleaning out of the lot to make way for our new house. 

On Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, the tree removal began.  I really did not want the tree guys to work on Thanksgiving, but they insisted it was fine with them.  We went over there to see the progress before heading onto the Families for the lunch.  I was amazed at the amount of work they had done by 10am!  The trees were not small either!!  I know some of the tree huggers out there will be mad that we didn't save the trees, but we have no choice to get the house to fit.  Besides, people need firewood, lumber and paper still!!!  So, in my mind, the trees are being recycled!  I was really worried, I would see a sign saying, SAVE THE TREES! 

This is what I saw when we pulled up to the house on Thanksgiving Day. 

This is the stump from the tree in the front yard.  The bulldozer that demos the house, will pull the tree trunk out of the ground.  The guy in the tree is on the last branch of the biggest tree that you can see in the picture of above in the left corner.

My Weekend

So, over the weekend the Hubby, Mother in Law and my Brother in Law's went on a trip to San Antonio and Austin.  My Brother in Law, Matt passed his Bar Exam to become a Lawyer, just what the world needs more of!!  His swearing in was in Austin on Monday, but we wanted to make his day special by a weekend road trip to San Antonio on Saturday and Austin on Sunday.  It was a lot of fun!  We talked about all kind of crazy stuff!!  One thing I love about my Mother in Law is she is REAL!!!  You can talk about anything with her and she totally gets it!!  We actually have a lot of fun together and I like talking to her.  She did have a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that her son was FINALLY getting married at 40!  She was used to not really "sharing" him with anyone for SO very long!!  I thought it was a little odd that the week before we got married and the day after my Bachelorette Party, she text me some really odd stuff, but I told her I understood as Jason was her only connection to her Husband that died when Jason was only six months old!  It makes me sad and I know it had to be a complete shock to her.  I still don't think to this day she is totally over the loss of her Husband.  I hate that Jason never got the chance to have his Father in his life and wish that he could have had that.  Jason and I are in the same boat on that one!! 

Anyways, we stopped at the outlet in San Marcos and I was in HEAVEN!!!!  I LOVED it and could still be there if we didn't have other things to do.  That place is HUGE and had most of my favorite stores!!!  I did some retail therapy for sure!!!  We went onto San Antonio from there and went to dinner.  Our stay in San Antonio was not much at all.  After dinner we just went to the Riverwalk for a drink then straight to bed.  We woke up early to drive to Austin, but stopped for brunch at a place called, Feast.  It was AWESOME!!  Right up my alley.  That place would do great here in Dallas for sure!! 

We drove through Jason's college campus so he could reminiscence his college days at Texas State which was known in his days as Southwest.  We went to some of his favorite places to eat and his place he lived while there.  I think he loved it!!

When we got to Austin, we all just kind of rested before dinner.  We went to Kenichi and had all kinds of sushi.  It was heaven!!!  Some CRAZY things went on at that place with a private party.  It was at this time I finally got the phrase, KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD!!!  But, for me, I realized it should be KEEP AUSTIN, F'ED UP!!!!  OMG!!!  That place is CRAZY!!!!!  It is also kind od dirty and it made me love Dallas even more!!!!  After dinner, we went to Chuggin' Monkey which is a bar by former two time Bachelor, Brad Womack.  He got engaged to my girl crush, Emily Maynard and I was SO hoping I would see him, but I didn't of course.  But, it was fun at his bar!! 

On Monday morning it was time for Matt's swearing in, but it seemed to be more about the Judge's on stage that were there than it was about all the Lawyer's that just passed one of the hardest test EVER!!!  I guess that is politicians for you right there!!  Once that was over, it was time to get back to Dallas and I was super happy to be home and in the land of the normal!!! 

On the Baby front, we are moving along and I am hopeful for a successful outcome but no longer am I excited as I once was.  I know that is just horrible to say and I feel bad saying it, but I just think it is best to not get my hopes up.  I was on such a high the last go around and was SO let down when it failed.  My heart still hurts for the loss as I am surrounded by people I know that just seem to get pregnant in no time and I still hope for my chance to be a Mommy!!  The Christmas season is getting hard for me because I think of all the wonderful traditions I want to do with my own kids one day and just pray for the chance to make it a reality. 

Getting some things off my chest......

It has been a really rough time for me in my own mind.  I pretty much don't express the feelings I have to anyone because, well.....NO ONE in my family or the people closest to me get how I feel with everything.  I know Jason gets it to a degree, but he is a guy, so they just let stuff roll off them.  I on the other hand, can't do it!! 

My Sister is pregnant right now and that is probably the hardest thing for me to deal with.  Of course, she is very insensitive to my feelings because she doesn't know how I really feel.  If I hear from her one more time, that I should just be glad I can't get pregnant, I may lose it!!!  Does she REALLY not get how horrible that is to say to someone in my position????  Granted, pregnancy doesn't seem to be glamorous by any means, BUT I would give anything to be able to know what being pregnant with my child is like.  I also know that there are perks to not being pregnant and yes, I know I love those reasons, BUT I would give all that up to be pregnant. 

I have really began to see how insensitive people can be.  Someone even sent me a link to an article about what not to say to Adoptive Parents because I should be able to relate.  REALLY????  Why would I be able to relate since I don't have an Adopted Child at this point and having a Surrogate is not even the same thing.....I understand that people are not educated on this stuff that is my life, but for me, I wish people would just BUTT OUT, SHUT UP and JUST GO ABOUT THEIR LIFE leaving mine alone!!  It is just easy for people that have been pregnant and had children to really even have a clue what it is like to be in my shoes and I wish they would just realize that before opening their big mouths!!  I know I am probably a bit over sensitive to anything about babies and children, BUT I think I am entitled to be or maybe that is just the selfishness in me.  Either way, it is how I feel and I can't change how I feel!!

At this point, I pretty much dread any interaction with people because I am ALWAYS asked about it.  Right now, I am just to a point that I am not very hopeful with all that has happened, so I just don't like to even talk about it! I know that people are just curious, but I would rather they just let me bring it up if I wish.  Oh, if we all lived in a perfect world!!!  I know this is not going to happen, but a girl can dream!!!   At this point, I just really feel like I will NEVER get to be a Mommy!!  I know that is drastic to say that, but nothing has really gone well with this process.  The only good thing that has come out of it thus far is our Surrogate, "B"!!  I am REALLY, REALLY THANKFUL for her!!!  She has been great and pretty much gets me!!  I think she knows that the devastation of the eggs was really hard on me and she has been very understanding of my feelings!

Ok, I think I have gotten most of the thoughts in my head off my chest.  I think I feel better all ready!!!  HA!!!  So, onto the purpose of this blog, the hopefully soon to be Baby!!!

So, we have the new egg donor and she is REALLY cute.  Granted, I don't know her, but I know what she looks like and no, I am not letting ANYONE see what she looks like either!!  (Note to people: If and when there is a Baby, DO NOT EVEN THINK OF SAYING THE BABY MUST LOOK LIKE THE EGG DONOR!!!!  Just keep your thoughts to yourself or do what everyone in the world does and talk about it without me knowing you are!!) 

We are now in the place to move forward with the egg donor.  She passed all her "testing" and is ready to proceed.  I was told by the IVF Clinic that she is on birth control pills right now.  This is the beginning stages of the protocol for her at this point.  "B" went in last week or the week before for a sonogram to check her "stuff" out and all was good with her, just as I knew it would be.  We will found out soon what the protocol will be for the egg donor and "B" soon as this transfer will be a fresh one.  That means, the donor and "B" will be "synced" so that the eggs are retrieved fresh and not frozen at the same time as "B" is ready for the transfer.  The waiting game is on for the day of transfer, so we all need to say a little prayer that all goes well and WORKS!!!! 

Onto the home front, we are closing on our lot at the end of the month, then the demo will begin!!  I can't wait to see how it all goes down.  It is going to be so weird to see the lot without the house that is there right now.  I will be spending ALL my free time at the lot with contractors just watching them to make sure they are doing what they should be doing!  I think it is going to be fun and a REALLY good distraction on the waiting game of what better be Baby R!!!  Plus, I need to make sure my house is on schedule to be done in a REASONABLE amount of time and not a year from now!!  Oh boy, this will be interesting!!  Good thing I am a planner and pretty much have every detail of the house chosen and just ready to be ordered, paid for and shipped out!  Can't wait to see how it all comes together.  My creative mind is spinning!!! 

Speaking of house stuff, I have been spending my moments of free time, decorating.  I want to be an Interior Decorator  when I grow up.  I guess I should enroll in art classes since I can't draw to save my own life!!  But anyways, I went to Canton the past two months and had the best time!!!  It was the perfect thing to take my mind off of the devastation of the prior months with the Baby stuff.  I bought some awesome pillow for my couch to soften up the harsh look of leather and concrete flooring in this house.  It was the perfect thing!  Plus, if you know me well enough, you know I LOVE everything animal print!!  So, of course, the living room needed a little!!  And I got this really cool floral arrangement from the sweetest Lady ever!!  I knew it would be perfect on the coffee table in  this house.  Although, this is the same coffee table I keep telling the Hubby I am selling before we move to the new house.  It is just TOO big for my liking, plus I want more of a round ottoman look for the new house.  I also decorated for fall, so I guess I better post my picture of that since this will be coming down in the next few days to decorate for Christmas!!  So excited about that!! 

I absolutely love the pumpkins on the fireplace.  I got those at Canton too.  It is sad that I have to put them away until next year, but they will look brand new in the new house!!